Now, I don't like to brag.  But after seven slab leaks, I am starting to consider myself somewhat of an expert.  So I thought I would share my expert knowledge with my readers.  Just in case you ever find yourself unfortunate enough to have to deal with a slab leak.  Or seven.
First of all, what exactly is a slab leak?

If your house is built on a concrete slab, then the plumbing is under the concrete.  First, all the plumbing was laid out, then the concrete was poured on, and then the house was built.  So if one of those pipes under the slab starts to leak, it isn't easily accessible for repair.

How will you know you have a slab leak?

On Fridays we host "Family Night" which is when the family all come over for dinner at our house.

Which obviously means that every Friday afternoon, the dining room table looks like this.

And the living room floor looks like this.
Believe it or not, that entire mess was made today.  In less than an hour.

The Culprits

So, the quick scramble to go from before.

To after.
Totally kidding.  That's a picture from Thanksgiving.

See?  I can clean.  When I really have to.

Linking up with One Hot Mess (is that my kind of link up or what???) at The Fike Life.


*This post may contain affiliate ads.  Read my full disclosure here.

I know it might be a bit of a cop out, making my glorious return (you know you missed me) to blogging by participating in a link up.

But I just can't resist Cari's linkups!

Back in April or May or sometime around there, I stopped blogging because my computer hard drive failed.  Then my husband came to my rescue and gave me an iPad for my birthday.  Sadly I didn't get right back in the swing of things so my brother stepped in and replaced my computer hard drive.

That's right, no more excuses.  I have been away far too long.

Is that enough self shaming for you?

How about a little finger pointing?
Yup, went to all the trouble of getting creative like with the frame and everything but didn't bother to make her change out of her pajamas.  What?  You didn't realize those were pajamas?  Nevermind...

Oh, and speaking of shaming...

Happy No Housework Day!
In honor of No Housework Day I thought I would allow my children free reign to systematically destroy mess up the house while I document it with hourly pictures to post here on my blog.

Genius?

Lunatic?

You decide!

This should be entertaining (for someone other than the person who has to clean up the mess after this whole experiment is over...)

Who is that person?  I certainly wouldn't volunteer for that job!  No siree.  Wouldn't catch me...

Wait...

9

10

 

*This post may contain affiliate ads.  Read my full disclosure here.

My organized coupon filing system.  Why the puzzle?  No idea.

My bookshelves even have piles.

It was trying to be a stack.  Really it was.  I don't do stacks well.  They always turn into piles.

But if there were one pile in my house that would outdo every other pile it would be the outgrown clothes pile.  See it started as a bag.  A system of bags.  In the beginning I would sort through the clothes before bagging them up.  Get rid of any worn out clothes.  Clothes they had never worn.  Anything I did not want to absolutely save for when/if we have more children.  Outgrown clothes were sorted into large ziplocks with the size and gender marked on each.  Then the bags found a home in a bin.  One bin for girl clothes and one bin for boy clothes.

Is it actually the messiest house on the internet??

Well, it's high time we found out.

Now, I don't normally win contests.

My house isn't quite messy enough for Hoarders.

But it will never be clean (or beautifully decorated) enough to be in Better Homes and Gardens.

And I ain't winning any fashion awards for some strange reason.

But surely, if ever there were something I was in fact qualified for, it would be this.

Because folks, out of hundreds of houses, mine was one of 32 houses nominated for the Messiest House on the Internet Award over at My Life and Kids.

It's an honor to be nominated.  Really.

If ever I was qualified to win an award for anything, this, this certainly is it.

Seriously ya'll, if I can't win this one... well then I just can't win.

Now, you know I have no shame.  You have seen my poopvomit story after all.  So, I am just going to go ahead and ask you to head on over to My Life and Kids to vote for ME!

In case you are wondering what I would do with an amazing new Oreck vacuum when you already know I have a new vacuum...

I have a two story house.  It's all carpet except the bathrooms and kitchen.  The vacuum I have is a bit heavy to walk up and down the stairs.  The cat litter box is upstairs and those little granules get tracked everywhere.

Oh yes, the upstairs is just as messy as the downstairs.

Also, in case you needed the reminder of how messy my house really is.  Or you are under the false assumption that I have managed to clean it all from top to bottom (no idea where on earth you would get that idea) and no longer qualify as messiest house.  I thought I would close with a picture of the top of our entertainment center.
It's been messy since we moved in.  Unless you count the time our living room flooded and we had to move all the furniture out.  It went right back afterwards.  And I am a bit unsure of how to even tackle that craziness.  So, I just leave it to my husband.  Which means it just stays.

And I remind myself to be happy for DVD's out of reach of the Princess.  Who loves to scatter movies and games across the floor of the living room.  Creating a sort of hopscotch game.  When a DVD gets crushed, you lose.


*This post may contain affiliate ads.  Read my full disclosure here.

No, really.  You should stop reading now.

You can't go back and unread once you have read.

Seriously?  Why are you still here?

I warned you.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Last chance...

Ok, then.  If this is how you want it.

Here we go.

Once, I was a new mom.

Are you sure you still want to be here?

Ok...

I was a new mom with a tiny little Peanut.

A sweet squirmy little guy.

Who NEVER STOPPED CRYING!

He had colic.

And

Here is where it get's gross.

Had the worst diaper explosions known to man.

All the time.

Little did I know that my son had a milk allergy.  And if I had only known I might have been able to eliminate dairy from my diet and save us both a lot of grief.  But I had no clue the colic and the explosions were not normal.

Not gross enough for you.

Just wait.

Or don't, cause it's really super gross.

On one of these occasions, he was about a year old at the time, I took off his diaper and ran him straight to the bathtub.

Got him all cleaned up and dressed.

Put him down for a nap.

Came back to clean up the mess on the changing table.

No diaper.

Where could the diaper possibly have gone?!

Oh, there it was.  In the next room.  In pieces.  Scattered all over the floor.

Only, it wasn't ALL there.

That's right.  The dog ate it.

Told you it was gross.  But it gets worse.

The dog ate the diaper.  The king of the disgusting diaper explosions.  Eaten by the dog.

Then he proceeded to...

There are certain household tasks that I consider utterly unnecessary.

For example, ironing.  Really.  Clothing gets wrinkled so we iron the wrinkles out.  Then we wear the clothing and it gets wrinkled.  Then we wash the clothing and it gets more wrinkled.  So we spend extra time and effort to iron the wrinkles out and repeat the cycle.

I really want to know who decided at some point in time that wrinkles were undesirable.

What did the wrinkle ever do to you?

Is it really hurting anyone?

No.  I thought not.

You know what has hurt someone?  An iron.  That's right.

People have this aversion to wrinkles drilled into them.

If everyone stopped ironing their clothes then no one would even notice the wrinkles anymore.  No one.

Also, that's what the dryer is for.  And did you know they now make wrinkle free clothing?  That's right.  Problem solved.

Dusting.

Dust settles on stuff so you swish it off.  It all flies up in the air, swirls around a bit, and settles right back down on the thing you just dusted off.  Big fat waste of time.

Vacuuming.  I mean how bad would it be if I just stopped vacuuming?

Remember "Once Upon a Time" when I used to write funny posts?

Right.  Neither do I.

You are probably hoping I am about to write a funny post.  Sorry.

Instead it's going to be another one of my boring "my house is a mess and I don't want to clean it" posts.

Because that's what I do when I am looking for something to do other than the things I am supposed to do.

Today I bring you a list of 7 things I need to do today.  Exciting right?  You are totally on the edge of your seats.

1.  Clean the house.

Big surprise there.

Tomorrow is December 1st.  And I am under the deluded fantasy that I will somehow clear out an area big enough to put a Christmas tree up.

This is the corner we put the tree in every year.
But now I have a desk.  And a sewing machine table.  In that corner.  Yup, they're there.  Under all the clutter.

On Thursday we did something I have been promising my kids we would do all year.

Dye Easter eggs!

Now, I know what you're thinking.

Wasn't Easter over a month ago?

No.

That was simply the beginning of the Easter season.

See, my friends.  The Catholic Church in her infinite wisdom set the Easter season to last from Easter Sunday through Pentecost Sunday.  Pentecost Sunday is this Sunday.

That's right.  Catholics get to enjoy not just one day of Easter but an entire season!  50 whole days to celebrate Christ's glorious Resurrection.

The Church did this for a couple of reasons.  One being that Easter is the highest feast of our faith.  Easter was the pinnacle and fulfillment of Christ's ministry.  His defeat of death.  Our salvation.

After all, even Christ extended his ministry past Easter Sunday.  He could have told his apostles everything they needed to know before his death, but instead he stayed after his Resurrection.  He could have appeared once, said "Hey, I'm alive." and gone right up into Heaven.  Then the Holy Spirit could have arrived and just given everyone whatever knowledge and understanding they needed.  Instead, Jesus hung out for awhile.  Let it all sink in.  "No really, I'm alive."

The other reason, obviously, is so that I can procrastinate.

Last year I told you how much I hate doing dishes.

This year I am going to let you in on a shocking secret.

I love doing laundry!

Laundry

I know!  I know!  I don't deserve to call myself Non-Domestic.

But hear me out.

I started doing my own laundry when I was about ten years old.  Not because I was forced or even encouraged to.  I'm sure my mom made the casual comment, "Why don't you do your own laundry."  In response to some complaint of mine that this shirt wasn't clean or that skirt or whatever.  I doubt she actually expected me to take her seriously.  But I did.

And so it began.

I soon discovered the joy of laundry.

Maybe it's a bit strange but I used to love standing in the laundry room and listening to the sound of the washing machine.  It was always so soothing.  It was quiet.  I had peace and solitude in that room.  In the spring birds would lay eggs in the laundry room vent so the sound of baby chicks would mix with the swoosh of the washer and the smell of clean.

Heaven!!

Now in case you are getting too freaked out by my confession, I'll let you know the entire truth.  Yes, I love to wash the laundry.

However...

If you guys are anything like me you flipped your calendar over to April and were greeted with quite a shocking realization.

One of the biggest holidays of the year is less than a week away?!  How could I be caught so unprepared?

Never fear!  It's under control.  Jenn and I are here to help you celebrate.

We had so much fun last year, we decided to do it again!

That's right.  It's almost time for the second annual...

Here are a few writing prompts.  Get creative!

-How are you celebrating No Housework Day?

-What do you do instead of housework?

-Tell us about that time you tried to clean something and it backfired on you.

-How did you become a Domestic Goddess / Domestically challenged

-Share your housekeeping/organizing tips and tricks

-Confess your mess…be brave and show us pictures of your messy house

-Tell us your most/least favorite chore

-Why you hate/love housework

-How to you make housework fun (or at least bearable)

-Do your kids help with the housework?

For the Domestically Challenged

Do you hate housework, are you no good at it, or are there simply just not enough hours in the day to do it all?  You’re not alone.  All over the country non-domestics just like you are sweeping the cobwebs aside (figuratively…we don’t sweep for real, silly!), stepping out into the world and declaring, “I hate housework!”.  We’re walking right past our piles of organized chaos and confessing to the world, "I am Non-Domestic" and “I have better things to do than dishes.” Join us on Saturday to link up any of your domestically challenged blog posts.  Show us what you do instead of housework, how you plan on celebrating No Housework Day, or tell us about that time you tried to clean something and it backfired on you.

For the Domestic Goddesses

If you’re reading this while wiping your computer screen with a special cloth…you probably need to declare a holiday more than any of us (put the cloth down and back away, you weirdo!).  Can’t take off a day of cleaning?  You might feel like you don’t belong here, but you couldn't be more wrong, my friend!  You are welcome to link up any of your housework posts…make us feel guilty and show us your tips, tricks, and lovely organized closets.  We’ll call you a show off and give you a ;) winky to your face and then we’ll probably talk about you behind your back…but seriously, you’re totally welcome to link up!

Start planning how you’re going to celebrate No Housework Day (or if you’re a non-domestic...procrastinate and try to come up with something at the last minute ;) ) and then meet back here at Non-Domestic Mama or at Coolest Family on the Block on Saturday to party! 

I should be doing the dishes.  They have piled up again.  Instead I stare at the massive crusty pile and wish them away. But they stubbornly refuse to clean themselves.

I should be cleaning the living room.  It has been overrun with all the things that belong somewhere else but somehow creep back in when I'm not looking.  Then I turn around and am greeted with a scene from a horror movie.  I should be putting all the things back where they belong.  I should be scolding my children and making them put the things back where they belong.  But I lack the energy to follow them around pointing out each item and explaining in detail how and where it should be.  Instead I watch and listen to my children blissfully playing. Totally unaware of the chaos that surrounds them.

I should be writing a blog post.  Something insightful, or eventful, or charming, or witty.  Instead I stare at a blank screen as the words refuse to form themselves.  My head swirls with tiny snippets of thought that flee like butterflies from my net.

A couple of weeks ago, bright and early on a Saturday morning, my husband and I packed the kids up in the car and drove the hour drive to his mother's house.  After dropping off my husband, the kids and I then drove an hour and a half back, past our house, to a birthday party for one of my son's best buddies.  (My son was rather dismayed that for some reason it took 2 1/2 hours to drive to the birthday party!)  While we were having fun splashing and eating cupcakes, my husband and his mother were in her van, driving the five hours to my parent's house.  They stayed for a few hours and then turned right around and drove back.

At around 1am I got a call from my brother asking me if my husband had arrived home yet.  I looked outside to check and discovered, to my surprise, a vehicle in the driveway containing my brother and sister-in-law!

At around 2am my husband arrived home.  He had dropped his mom off at her house and we would be taking her van back the next afternoon.

Why?

This year my son is officially starting Preschool.  Because his birthday falls in October he is one year behind all his friends who started Kindergarten yesterday.  Now rather than sending my little guy off to school, wearing a backpack that is bigger than him, taking tons of pictures, and crying all the way home, (cause you know I would) I'm cheating and keeping him home with me.  HA!  Yes, I am homeschooling.

Now, technically I homeschooled him last year too.  We did nursery school.  But that was mostly fun stuff and I made sure never to burn him out.  So if he got tired of something or didn't want to do it that day we didn't.    He really already knew the things he was supposed to learn anyway but I didn't want to push him and make him hate the whole idea of school.  I figured I would just use that year as a sort of practice year to get him used to the idea.  Some days we worked for five or ten minutes.  Some days he wanted to "work" all day.  And some days we didn't crack a book though we usually at least watched an educational video and read a book.  And whenever he sat down with a book to practice drawing his letters or numbers or puzzles or whatnot my daughter would sit down with him and draw or color.  Most days he would ask to "do school" so I consider the year a success.

This year is "for real."  Not that I plan on pushing him to the point of hating or disliking school.  The curriculum only calls for about 45 minutes a day 4 days a week.  I will probably add some fun supplemental stuff too.  If something is not clicking with him we will find another way of doing it or revisit it when he is ready.  I have already had him look through his preschool reading curriculum and it looks like he is actually ready for the kindergarten so I think we will just breeze through that and move on.

We will officially start the day after Labor Day because I have this firm belief that school shouldn't start until September.  Maybe because school started in September when I was a child or possibly because my birthday month is August.  Regardless, I refuse to start school in August!

Of course, as I am getting "prepared" (and by getting prepared I really mean thinking about and planning on getting prepared) I have been obsessively stalking Pinterest and anything and everything that will help me organize and set up my Homeschool Room.

I know I've told you before way back in the day that I was potty training my daughter.  Well, I put her in cloth training pants, which turned out to be no more absorbent than regular underwear, and she made several messes on the carpet, so I got the bright idea to add the plastic covers.  She treated those the same as she did pull-ups, except that they sometimes leaked.  So we went back to pull-ups.  With a single candy PEZ whenever she made it to the potty.

Then this past week I decided to get serious.  So we went shopping for underwear.  She picked out Princesses and Hello Kitty.
The underwear met with mixed success.  She did slightly better than she had with pull-ups, having a few accidents, but making it to the potty more often.

Then one day after a bath for a potty accident she ran off in her towel and refused to get dressed.  I figured she would get cold and want clothes pretty quickly so I just let her go.  Something amazing happened.  She came running up not too long after and started asking for underwear.  Very insistently.  I had a suspicion so instead I took her to the potty and she went.  Hmmm.  There might be something to this whole naked potty training method everyone is always talking about.  Sure enough the next day I kept her in a dress, but no pants.  She made it to the potty every time!!  It was a miracle.  She was fully potty trained just like that.  Thank goodness.  I even looked a little forlornly at the trash bag of diapers, thinking we might have to downsize our bathroom trashcan.  My little ones are so grown up.  This is the first time in 5 years I won't have to deal with diapers/pull-ups!

The next day we went to underwear.  Again no accidents.   Until right before bedtime.  I figured she was just tired.

Then two days ago.